Last night while watching the Oscars I saw a Fancy Feast commercial that got all messed up somehow… I think they played it in the wrong order or something. I swear the first part came last and then they cut it off… I was pissed! I thought I’d missed out on a Fancy Feast saga!
In case this happened to you, too, I went and found it on YouTube. Turns out it’s just a lame cat food commercial… and yet, so much more compelling than those Oscars were.
I did think of a way James Franco and Anne Hathaway could redeem themselves – they could remake this commercial together and give it some darker ending. I mean, no kitties can be harmed. But maybe the woman loves the cat more than the man and she breaks up with him. Maybe the woman really has curly hair and then straightens it so she can make it in Hollywood and then the man thinks she’s a manic loser.
I don’t know… Franco is the one with all the ideas.
I made a disturbing discovery this weekend. My teenage self was an unreliable narrator. How else to explain how I’d convinced myself for years, since first seeing the film on VHS, that Dangerous Liaisons (1988) is a story well-told? Was it the same misguided taste that led me to believe that Ponderosa Steakhouse was a place to get a superb meal?
Rebecca: So I think it’s interesting that we decided to watch this movie now, right when we’re talking about moving to New York so you can take a job at a law firm and I can paint the walls of our expensive “classic 8” apartment every other day. Uh, are you rethinking this decision at all?
There’s been quite a bit of controversy over Black Swan, the new Darren Aronofsky-directed film starring Natalie Portman as a ballerina descending into madness as she prepares to dance the role of a lifetime and competes with a perceived rival (played by Mila Kunis). Is it good? Is it bad? People seem deeply divided. Manohla Dargis of The New York Times wrote that its got a, “giddy, sometimes sleazy exploitation-cinema savvy.” Some critics have said it’s cliched, others that it’s stunning. The Hollywood Reporter said, “The movie is so damn out-there in every way that you can’t help admiring Aronofsky for daring to be so very, very absurd.”
On a recent afternoon I pulled out my copy of Duran Duran’s Decade, their collection of mega-hits from the 80s. I don’t think DD gets its due when it comes to discussing the hit makers of the 80s – some even described them as a “throw-away pop group.” Shudder. What other band so perfectly exemplifies the 80s use of heavy synth, nonsense lyrics and sex appeal? NOT Def Leppard, that’s for sure. If I were to order the songs on this disc into my perfect DD Queue Of Good Times, it would go like this:
And now we come to the real “meat and potatoes” of this story. Ah, Episode V, where it all comes together and it all falls apart…
The work week before the big holiday weekend grinds slowly by… tick… tock. The clock, it hardly moves! Let’s take a break and get caught up on the trials and tribulations of Def Leppard. If you haven’t seen episodes one and two, let me catch you up. These guys lived in Sheffield, they formed a band, one guy got pissed and left, they made an album, played shows, got some sort of agent. But the dark cloud of trouble hangs over them…
Movie reviews of stuff that’s already been reviewed by real movie critics and is out on DVD but, if you’re like us, you’re just getting around to watching it. Or thinking about watching it. Or maybe this is the first time you’re hearing about it…
Thank you for being a friend
Last week I heard about the horror movie Human Centipede: First Sequence for the first time. In case you haven’t heard about it, this is a movie about an evil doctor (Surprise! He’s German) who decides to sew humans together, ass-to-mouth, as an experiment. He has experience in separating conjoined twins and decides that he’d really like to see the process in the reverse. You know, just something to do in his downtime.
I’ve been waiting to see 
The number one slot for weird goes to the “Brother Homecoming” commercial for Folgers (an update on the classic “Peter Comes Home” commercial from years ago). The older brother knocks on the front door (weird already) and his sister answers it. Only you have no idea she’s his sister based on his reaction – he’s says, “Do I have the wrong house?” meaning, “You’re one sexy lady!” and she points to herself and says, “Sister! Ha ha ha.” What? I expected them to start making out. She says something like, “I waited up for you all night.” Huh? Really? And then he says, “It’s a long way from West Africa.” Notice he says West Africa, which is nice and vague and not at all threatening so people don’t become sad thinking about Darfur or upset thinking about Somali pirates.
Conspiracy theories are usually aimed at assassinations, UFOs, religion, Bill Clinton, Richard Gere, etc. We’ve all heard the JFK assassination theories. We’ve heard about how the U.S. never really landed on the moon – it all took place on a sound stage!
While the feature film Troll 2 is often held up as the “worst movie ever,” a closer analysis reveals it to be much more than a shitty movie made for cheap in a small town in Utah. In fact, lying beneath the often confusing plot are powerful messages about the ills and dangers associated with a rapidly changing society. I will identify three major messages, or themes, within the film and formulate questions that will serve to heighten our understanding of Troll 2, regardless of whether or not we, as individuals, enjoy the film as entertainment.
One thing to remember as you’re working on your Prep status, is that it’s a lifestyle, not just a fashion trend. It has to be incorporated into every facet of your life, including your reading material. According to the Handbook, some safe bets are books about Prep schools or classics assigned to be read in Prep schools, books about Preppies and books about the joys and miseries of being a Prep.
Back in 2001, I sent out a few movie reviews via e-mail. What I really wanted was a blog but I guess I didn’t know how to do it and it wasn’t so easy as it is now, so I used e-mail to send reviews to people I knew (not all of whom asked for it, by the way). Since I’ve just been rewatching Saturday Night Fever, I started thinking about the first movie I reviewed via e-mail – Staying Alive. Plus, a friend who used to get the e-mails asked me a couple of weeks ago why I don’t do them anymore. I found this interesting – someone WANTED more of my weird “reviews” of movies that had been out for years. Anyway, I combed through my old e-mails and found the review.
This is where things get complicated in the Prep lifestyle. If you’re serious about being a Prep, you’ve got to back up your rep with some serious cash, or at least the illusion of it. How do you create that illusion? Well, hopefully you don’t have to because you’ve got a trust fund. Barring that, you can cultivate an air of richness that you pair it with enough turtlenecks and an easygoing relationship with a credit card. Here are some do’s and don’t gleaned from the Handbook.
I found a Shoveler Duck Print with the added note of, “Finally an Upscale Duck Print!” Apparently a lot of people are selling down-market duck prints out there. Buyer beware and all that. The print is limited edition, signed and out-of-circulation. It can be mine for only $575. The seller says, “It was more than just another print of a handsome duck, it was a limited edition done by someone with an artistic flair not totally concerned with replicating the Shoveler like a photo, but as concerned with bringing the feeling of the wild with the picture in an artistic manner.”
Do you by any chance remember The Official Preppy Handbook? I do. I own a copy. It was published in 1980 (retailed in paperback for $3.95) and was probably ahead of the curve, getting out there before “preppy” officially became part of the lexicon and something of a punchline in the mid-to-late 80s. Essentially, it’s a humorous book, of course, but it also served as a kind of a road map for how to be prep, even if you weren’t born into the lifestyle and felt so inclined. The introduction states that, “Preppies don’t have to be rich, Caucasian, frequenters of Bermuda or ace tennis players.” The book has a certain something in common with today’s Gossip Girl and makes you think a bit more deeply about Gwyneth Paltrow, Izod and Ivy League schools.
