I’m A Drummer! Reliving Hysteria Part V

logo_def_leppardAnd now we come to the real “meat and potatoes” of this story. Ah, Episode V, where it all comes together and it all falls apart…

This section of the movie was partially based on a school essay by Cole Montgomery, age 15, titled “Why I Want To Be A Rock Star.” As you’ll see, his reasoning is somewhat sound – no homework, no adults telling you what to do (except for your manager and your band mates), lots of drinking, all-you-can-eat titty bar, lots of drinking, drugs, rad clothes, sports cars and drinking.

But, lo, what is this? Why, it’s a cautionary tale…


1. Still can’t get enough of these wigs, guys! Rick Allen’s wig after the crash makes it look like he not only crashed and lost his arm but also somehow turned into a Dickensian street urchin/pickpocket or a zombie, I’m not sure which. Or maybe it’s more like Meredith Baxter Birney in a Lifetime movie in which she plays a shut-in.

2. How about that concert scene? Quad screen! Bras and underwear flying everywhere… Actually, having a bra thrown at you can be considered a compliment but I think panties might be something else altogether. What if a guy took off his underwear and threw it at a lady rocker? Has that been done? I mean, to someone other than Courtney Love? Actually, was she in that after party scene? Hoarding all the cake?

3. Nice touch added by our 15-year-old screenwriter, Cole, with the rack of bras being wheeled away by roadies. Yeah!! In the original script it looked like this:

ROADIE walks by wheeling clothing rack filled with 2,000 bras, all of them meant for the guys.


Double wow.

4. Expository dialog alert! Def gets off the plane, back in England (what, no car service?) and right away ol’ slave driver Joe wants them to get back into the studio. Rick might as well have said, “What? After spending one year in the studio recording a monster hit record and then sixteen months on the world tour to promote the record? Audience, do you see what I’m dealing with here? Of course I’m going to get pissy and say I want to go off and do a lot of coke and screw my hot girlfriend, whom you haven’t seen since episode three and even then we weren’t together and you probably didn’t understand that we were together but, surprise, we are together although in the next scene I have my terrible crash, which you already saw at the beginning of the movie so it’s not like I’m ruining anything for you, am I?”

5. Nice touch on the loss of sound during the accident. Freaky!

6. Extra nice touch on showing us the arm in the crash… I’m not sure if they thought we were just too stupid to understand that when he’s standing there with a bloody hole in his shoulder that he lost his arm or if they just thought it would be a “money shot.”

I know things look bleak right now. Rick Allen is about to find out that he’s not a starfish; a new arm isn’t going to sprout out where the other one was torn away. But if I know TV movies like I think I do, then the next Episode is going to be all about The Tough Road Back, marred by set-backs, pessimism, hatred for God and tears. But then… I don’t know. I have this feeling that suddenly he’s going to have some kind of revelation…

Stay tuned for Part VI: I Am a Drummer!