Forget The Beef. Where’s the Glamor?

I know I’ve said it before in various ways, but the Housewives of New York are really just teaching us one thing over and over again: that everyone’s life is mundane in its own way. It was driven home to me again on the latest episode about Halloween when everyone was in a tizzy about the parties coming up that week and then, once they were at the parties, it seemed to be about standing around together to drink and eat or to drink and complain. I can’t imagine why they were so excited. It seemed like much more work than it was worth. Where’s the glamor? The glitz? The spice? The tits?

Do they ever meet new people? Dance? Get into drunken fights?

I felt sorry for Jill, having a special Legally Blonde costume made for her and her dog. It seemed like needless spending. What a pain to have friends who couldn’t just appreciate your homemade costume or something you put together for cheap at the thrift store. I’m also already tired of Jill’s condo redecoration. Maybe it’s just because we’re always shown the same room, but that place looks claustrophobic to me.

Meanwhile, Countess LuAnn didn’t miss an opportunity to subtly remind us all once again that she’s Native American, showing up for the party in an Indian costume. I guess it’s fine since she’s part Native American? Because I thought this kind of thing (dressing up in traditional “Indian garb”) was now considered guache unless you’re truly Native American and not just doing it for Halloween. Kind of like how most football teams have abandoned their Native American mascots and team names. And kind of like how, if you are white and have any taste, you wouldn’t dress in blackface for Halloween or to perform a vaudeville act. What is the line here?  I think we need someone like Spike Lee to weigh in.

Alex and Simon were shown carving pumpkins with their kids. Call me Midwestern but they were the saddest pumpkins I’ve seen! So small! And I couldn’t help but notice some rotten spots on the bottoms of the pumpkins. See my Spargelfest post to learn more about my background in produce, which might shed light on why these sad pumpkins horrified me. I’m well into my 30s and still manage to buy very nice, big pumpkins every year to carve and I have no children. I think it’s especially disappointing when you consider what those two spend on fashion for themselves. Let’s not skimp on the childhood memories!

The biggest debacle revolved around Kelly once again. She’s a trouble magnet, that Kelly! She had a Halloween party, or at least hosted one at a hotel or club, and didn’t get there until quite late in the evening, long after the rest of the housewives got pissy and left. When Kelly did arrive it was in a Playboy bunny costume that looked very saggy at the crotch and in the ass and with a look of pain on her face. Of course she admitted to being horribly late but, you know, her daughters had Halloween and then it took an hour and a half to get ready. An hour and a half to put on a black swimming suit, pink heels and bunny ears? Hmmm… I guess we’re lucky she didn’t pick something like “geisha” or she wouldn’t have made it at all. I can see her tottering through the streets of Manhattan in delicate wooden clogs and a tight kimono, trying to reach the party as the clocks strike 4 a.m.

And LuAnn’s daughter, Victoria, came home from boarding school for the weekend. I really like Victoria. I mean, it’s not her fault she was born to a Countess who wants to be on reality TV. Victoria is the opposite of her mother. She’s quiet, she doesn’t seem that concerned about fashion although she always looks nice. She’s just beginning to get some self-confidence. It was endearing listening to her tell LuAnn about her first ever experience with Goodwill. She didn’t even know what it was, really. She got two sweaters and something else, maybe some scarves, and it all came to $9 and it completely blew her away. She should be thanking the friend from school who introduced her to thrift shopping. It will change her life. LuAnn seemed highly amused by the story. In contrast, she spent $150 on two necklaces from a street vendor who tells her the necklaces she and Victoria picked out are so expensive because they are “real” mother of pearl. LuAnn is a lot of things but she’s no bargainer. Or maybe there is a distinct lack of interest in a bargain.

Then LuAnn bought a lot of stuff in some boutique, even buying something Victoria insisted she already had in another color. But I understand, she’s shopping away the pain of the wandering Count, who at that very moment might have been in the arms of his young, Ethiopian lover over in Sweden or Switzerland or wherever it is the Count likes to hang out to hand out micro-loans and manage his funds. Victoria said, “How much is that?” and LuAnn said, “Well, that doesn’t matter so much.” I hope the Count doesn’t put the Countess on a budget.

Meanwhile, Bethenny’s book, Naturally Thin, has cracked Publisher’s Weekly’s top 15 list for bestselling trade paperbacks; I don’t see Class With the Countess anywhere on the lists… yet. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

One thought on “Forget The Beef. Where’s the Glamor?

  1. But in NYC those pumpkins probably cost $50 a piece!

    Also, I love how Kelly said she had to keep her costume tame because she’s a mom! I wonder what the non-tame version would be…just go nekkid?

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