A Grand (?) Finale: Who Will Start the Bidding?

This season of Real Housewives NY culminated in Jill’s charity “function,” which we’ve been hearing about every episode.

First, let me say how shocked I was by their low ticket sales five days out from the event. They hadn’t even broken even yet. Actually, this is comforting since it’s the same way a gala event I had to plan this year went, although we had at least broken even on ticket sales prior to the event. I just figured that, with all the fab people they claim to know, they would have had many more than 170 people.

And, as often happens on committees, some members did next to nothing and some got really pissy about how things should be done. Alex, for example, hadn’t even invited anyone as of the final committee meeting. Her excuse: I was busy. Too busy to send out an e-mail or ask four or six friends to go? Yes, this happens all the time. I bet anything that she could have told them exactly what dress she was planning on wearing but somehow inviting guests had slipped her mind. Later, she made a point during her “camera talk” time to say that she and Simon had called some people and got a few to go. Yeah, right.

And is there anything more strange than monotone Alex sitting in front of the camera claiming she’s a risk-taker? Most of the time with her it seems as if the lights are on but everyone left to go see a movie. Yet she has this idea that she and Simon are just completely wacky characters with their fingers pressed to the pulse of New York City. Huh.

Ramona and Jill had a fight about whether or not it’s OK to have company names on the “step and repeat,” which is apparently what you call the vinyl backdrop where guests and celebs stop to have their pics snapped. I never knew the backdrop had a name! But anyway, Ramona said it should only have the name of the charity. You don’t want to clutter up your “step and repeat” with a bunch of business name if the point of th event is to raise money for a charity. That way, if someone views the picture, the charity name is what stays with them. Although, I think the  name of the foundation was called “Creaky Joints,” so that might not look so sweet in the background.

Anyway, I think Ramona is a big flake, especially when she talks about how great her body is and how she snagged Mario for a husband, but she was right. But then in the end it sounded as if she and Jill decided to both pay $5,000 for the right to have their business names on the damn thing. So I don’t know if Ramona’s motives were really pure – she thought it was tacky only if she couldn’t have her business name up there for that God-awful jewelry she’s always touting.

Tensions were running high the day of the event. A lot of sniping back and forth and more fighting about signage. I still don’t get why it was so awful for the liquor company who sponsored the bar to have their signs up along with Bethenny’s “Skinny Girl” logo. Jill and Ramona really freaked about that and made the workers take the liquor signs down. So basically, people had no idea that the company even sponsored the bar, which means there was nothing in it for them. Isn’t this Marketing 101? Companies give free things so that they can get some promotion and make themselves look good. Duh, ladies.

This turned into a big fight during the event, when Bethenny decided that it needed to be hashed out just minutes before the live auction. What the hell? I love what she picked to complain about as well – not that they took the signs down but that Jill “talked about her” behind her back. Hello? In that circle, I think you have to assume that everyone is always talking about everyone else behind their backs, no matter how “close” they pretend to be. There is no real loyalty. You’re one bad fashion choice or temporary loss of income away from being the one they whisper about, end of story.

Truthfully, the event looked boring. Can anyone break the drinks/appetizers/live auction/silent auction model for fundraisers? I don’t think so unless you add the dreaded sit-down dinner. If you go to enough of these things, you must be bored out of your mind. How many chicken satay skewers and signature martinis can a person take before they break down?

And I really was wondering who was going to start the bidding. There was a cringe-worthy moment of crickets and frogs when Jill started the live auction. Everyone just kept talking and drinking their cripple-tinis.

The best part to me, the most telling, was when Jill handed out awards to all the Housewives (can Bethenny really be called a housewife in any way, shape or form? She has a full-time career, she’s not married nor does she have any children…) for all their hard work. Alex got one for maybe making two phone calls. LuAnn got one and I’m not sure she actually did anything. Kelly almost didn’t get one because Jill forgot about her. In the audience, Kelly looked like she might cry over not being called up, which is pretty funny if you remember back to the episode when she screamed, “I don’t put my name on anything!” She claimed she’d rather just help out than use her name to get the event attention but when it came time to awards, she really wanted one, I could tell. Then they called her up and you could see her whole demeanor change. Her game face was on and she strode up there like Nicole Kidman winning another Oscar.

The final shot of the episode is a drunken Ramona dancing with Simon, who is wearing the most terrible red leather pants that detail every inch of his nut sack. This is OK for Lenny Kravitz. Someone needs to tell Simon that just because something is made by a designer and called “fashion” doesn’t mean it’s meant for everyone and everybody. Not that he didn’t fit into the pants but the pants were clearly wearing him.

Yet, it’s sad to see the season come to an end. But, wait! There will be a Real Housewives NY reunion show! You can find some preview videos of this “shocker” here. Plus, May 12th we’re on for the first episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Every end is really a new beginning!