Category Archives: Annoying Tweet Of The Day

Annoying Tweet Of The Day – Dec. 13

“Awesome meetings this morning, talking media and specifically the power of MN newspapers. Quick lunch now before heading back to office.”

I. Am. A. Robot.

That lunch thing on the end was just to make this person seem human.

I don’t know why, but people tweeting about invigorating meetings they’ve attended hits all my buttons. The console is lit up like a Viking ship going down in flames.

Annoying Tweet Of The Day – Dec. 1

“I was basically absent from Twitter for 2 days and my world is all wonky.”

Wow, I know the feeling. Two days away from stuff like, “Win FOUR TIX to Disney on Ice’s Magical Journey,” and “You are what you love and not what loves you back,” and “Imagine Having A Blog That’s Ranked In The Top 2% & Attracts $10K/Month+ For Your Business While You Sleep,” makes me feel all weird inside too. Like, I don’t know… free or something.

I do need clarification on something though. You say you were “basically absent.” What does this mean, basically? You were absent? You were kind of absent but not completely absent? You may have peeked at it once or twice? A kidnapper tied your hands behind your back, preventing you from tweeting, but allowing you to read tweets?

Does it hurt that no one noticed your basic absence?

Annoying Tweet Of The Day – Nov. 29

“Yo mama’s so skanky, she’s the mayor of the STD clinic on FourSquare!”

Yes, this was tweeted by a white guy. How do I know? Well, for starters, it’s not even remotely funny.

Let’s see… “The STD Clinic.” Yeah, they have a clinic just for that. They provide no other services. It’s a franchise, actually. They now have them in Alabama, Alaska and North Carolina. I was thinking of buying into one, because I guess it’s a steady business even in this down economy. And they tier their services – people with money get the modern drugs, people with little money get the old-timey treatments.

For example, low-income syphilis patients are placed in a box, head sticking out, and then nurses start some mercury on fire under the box so that it vaporizes.

I’m sure while these patients are lying there, they like to take out their smart phones and let everyone know, “I’m at The STD Clinic on 321 Northland Avenue!”

Annoying Tweet Of The Day: Nov. 22

“Mark Wahlberg admits The Happening Was a Bad Movie.'”

Screw you, Mark Wahlberg. The Happening is a great movie. I’ve not laughed that hard at the theater in a long time. I found the idea of killer wind to be inspiring. I greatly enjoyed the acting, as well, and the fact that Zoe Deschanel blinked exactly once in the entire movie.

I was hoping for a sequel. It would have been called It’s Happening Again. Or maybe, Is It Happening Again?

Here is a clip from the movie given the special Rifftrax treatment:

Annoying Tweet Of The Day, Nov. 16

“I’m never asking for help again. Whomever I ask, they huff & puff, get pissed about it. I thought there was no such thing as a dumb question.”

Oh, yeah… about that whole “no dumb question” thing. We met and decided that there are dumb questions. Did you get the e-mail? Maybe it went into your spam filter? We decided that the world was getting super cluttered with dumb questions so we said that, from now on, every human would huff and puff and hiss and maybe piss every time they were asked a dumb question. I mean, you can join in, too. Just please no more of your dumb questions.

Annoying Tweet Of The Day, Nov. 15

“most companies don’t have cultures, they have cults. culture is about making sense of the world–not making war on it. which do you have?”

Well… I’m not sure. I’ve never thought about it. There’s not much time to think around here because we’re so busy growing our own food, taking mind-expanding drugs, having sex with our leader, The One True & Righteous CEO, and making bombs. Just tiny bombs, mind you. The one thing we do have here is capital letters, also known as “majuscules,” if you’re super smart. Do you have capital letters at your company? It doesn’t seem like it.

Annoying Tweet Of The Day – Nov. 3

“Every time our company blog passes another metric milestone, I celebrate a little. Content wins the game, and some companies never make it.”

I’m a company man, oh yes
A company man, oh yes
If they had a store I’d shop it
If they had a blog I’d read it

I’m a company man, oh yes
A company man, oh yes
If they had a song I’d sing it
If they had a cocktail I’d drink it

You get the general idea. I’ll tell you something shocking about the person who posted this. This person is not part of Gen X. I know, can you believe it?
Continue reading Annoying Tweet Of The Day – Nov. 3

Annoying Tweet Of The Day – October 26

“A student just asked me what “xoxo” means… How would you define it and in what context is it acceptable to use?”

I believe everyone knows “xoxo” means hugs and kisses and it is acceptable to use if you are 8, female and writing out Valentine’s Day cards to your entire class. Acceptable if you are passing a note to someone in high school in the 1980s, if you are 15, female and IM’ing or doing any kind of live chat or if you are a grandmother writing a card to a beloved granddaughter or grandson that has an anthropomorphic cat/dog/horse/rabbit on the front. Totally acceptable for Japanese girls or women dressed in the Harajuku style, particularly if they are a Goth Lolita, to use all the time. On everything.

I believe this covers all acceptable uses.

While I’m still standing up on my soapbox, I thought I would address another thing I can’t stand. The inspirational quote people include at the end of e-mails. You know, the quote beneath someone’s signature, title, address, phone, fax, cell, 5 websites, Twitter URL, Facebook URL? This quote is supposed to inspire the receiver of the message while also making the sender look evolved, well-read and somehow above the fray of living. A popular person to quote is Gandhi. I would say that 65.4% of all e-mail signature quotations are, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s to the point now that I see that quote and I just think, “Wank, wank, wank, you wanker.” And that’s horrible. I mean, Gandhi!

Here’s the one I got today:

Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

WTF?? What is that supposed to mean to me? “Remember, a mythical person built a mythical boat to save the animals of the world by having two of each kind walk calmly up the gangplank and then stay on board for 40 days and 40 nights (the concept which spawned a horrible movie starring Josh Hartnet).” Never mind that if this experiment in genetics had actually happened, we would not be here today, you lose all credibility with me if you profess to believe a parable. Or if you are not able to recognize a parable as such.

And no, just because something built by a lot of people failed spectacularly in 1912, we should not all endeavor to only start things we can do alone. Like a blog!