Tag Archives: how not to use twitter

Annoying Tweet Of The Day – October 26

“A student just asked me what “xoxo” means… How would you define it and in what context is it acceptable to use?”

I believe everyone knows “xoxo” means hugs and kisses and it is acceptable to use if you are 8, female and writing out Valentine’s Day cards to your entire class. Acceptable if you are passing a note to someone in high school in the 1980s, if you are 15, female and IM’ing or doing any kind of live chat or if you are a grandmother writing a card to a beloved granddaughter or grandson that has an anthropomorphic cat/dog/horse/rabbit on the front. Totally acceptable for Japanese girls or women dressed in the Harajuku style, particularly if they are a Goth Lolita, to use all the time. On everything.

I believe this covers all acceptable uses.

While I’m still standing up on my soapbox, I thought I would address another thing I can’t stand. The inspirational quote people include at the end of e-mails. You know, the quote beneath someone’s signature, title, address, phone, fax, cell, 5 websites, Twitter URL, Facebook URL? This quote is supposed to inspire the receiver of the message while also making the sender look evolved, well-read and somehow above the fray of living. A popular person to quote is Gandhi. I would say that 65.4% of all e-mail signature quotations are, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s to the point now that I see that quote and I just think, “Wank, wank, wank, you wanker.” And that’s horrible. I mean, Gandhi!

Here’s the one I got today:

Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

WTF?? What is that supposed to mean to me? “Remember, a mythical person built a mythical boat to save the animals of the world by having two of each kind walk calmly up the gangplank and then stay on board for 40 days and 40 nights (the concept which spawned a horrible movie starring Josh Hartnet).” Never mind that if this experiment in genetics had actually happened, we would not be here today, you lose all credibility with me if you profess to believe a parable. Or if you are not able to recognize a parable as such.

And no, just because something built by a lot of people failed spectacularly in 1912, we should not all endeavor to only start things we can do alone. Like a blog!

Annoying Tweet Of The Day, May 20

“My God. I just heard that census forms weren’t mailed to people living on reservations in Minnesota. What can we do?!”

Hmmm… Here are the options as I see them:

1. Nothing. Because we are terrible people who all hate Indians and if the government don’t count ’em, we can pretend they don’t exist. And btw, Native Americans, stop eating all the fish!!

2. We can send you out to all reservations with stacks of census forms and have you go door-to-door.

3. Become hysterical on social media outlets.

4. Retreat with mugs of green tea, listen to more MPR and ruminate.

5. Go to the Census 2010 website and do a search for American Indian reservations. Come up with a transcript of a press conference during which the question of reservations was addressed by Census Bureau Director Dr. Robert Groves. Due to the fact that many reservations have postal systems of delivery that are quite complicated and housing changes rapidly, census workers are going out to reservations to make sure they have accurate lists of the housing units and to interview people. So, if you live on a reservation, you might not have gotten a census survey in the mail but this does not mean that people are not trying to contact you.

Also: Census Designated Places represent locally-known, unincorporated communities that contain a mix of residential, commercial, cultural, and/or retail uses similar to that of an incorporated place of similar size in a similar geographic setting. The delineation of Census Designated Places allows for the identification of, and tabulation of data for, unincorporated communities within the boundaries of federally recognized American Indian reservations, off-reservation trust lands, and Oklahoma Tribal Statistical Areas.

So, remember, a reservation is not set up like a suburb.

Annoying Tweet Of The Day, April 27

“I’m back from AZ and glad to be back at work! “Vacation” was busy busy busy!”

Translation: “Wow, I am just so important! I bet all my co-workers are sighing with relief that I’m back from vacation because I LOVE WORK and I GET THINGS DONE. The place practically fell apart without me, not to mention my heartbreaking absence from Twitter while I was busy, busy, busy in AZ.”

What reached out to me about this tweet was the use of quotation marks around the word vacation. I assume that we, the people who happen to see this person’s tweets, are to feel sorry that it wasn’t truly a vacation? Or to think her a hero for not taking it easy on vacation?

People who don’t take it easy on vacation are low on my sympathy list. Calm down and read a magazine already!