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The Wednesday Outlook – March 9, 2011


It’s snowing. I do not approve of this snow situation.

What have I been up to lately? Well, I’m excited to say that I’ve been masterminding a redesign of Not Shallow. Within a week I should have the new site up and I’m going to have ALL NEW CONTENT as well. It will be Not Shallow 2.0, “the upgrade you never knew you wanted but now desperately crave.” I’ve been working on it this week and let’s just say that it involves a drawing of a prawn.

Like the rest of America, I’ve been watching the Charlie Sheen implosion with great interest. Yes, I’ve been treating it as if I bought a ticket to see the sideshow. Each morning I eagerly tune in to the morning news to see what fascinating videos/podcasts/interviews he crafted overnight.

Now there is a movement to stop gaping at Sheen. Craig Ferguson and the ladies on The View both said in recent broadcasts that this is certainly not a sideshow, it is a person with a major illness and we should not be watching from the bleachers. To a large extent, I agree with them, if for no other reason than there are kids involved. Kids who have a dad who went down into the well and doesn’t seem to be planning to resurface anytime soon and a mom who is doing daytime rehab.

But it pains me to agree with the ladies on The View.

And it seems impossible, this being America, for us to just ignore Sheen, what with the machete waving and “tiger blood” drinking (probably some kind of acai berry drink spiked with vodka). But I think the comedian Marc Maron has it exactly right when he said on a recent WTF podcast that Charlie Sheen is like Icarus – he’s in a manic state now and feels invincible but he’s going to fly too close to the sun and those wings are going to burn off. I mean, you can smell singed feathers, can’t you?
Continue reading The Wednesday Outlook – March 9, 2011

Dallas Diaries: Season 1

From the diary of Sue Ellen Ewing, a.k.a. Sue Ellen:

sue ellen ewingDear Diary,
Just when I thought I could not experience a deeper sense of despair than the day my husband rebuffed my attempt to reignite our love life with sexy lingerie by calling my black nightie cheap, I’ve reached new lows.

It all started when JR and Ray went to Waco and ended up sleeping with two townies in a motel. Then two men (one of them a husband to one of the women, one of them her brother) came to Southfork to rape Ewing women as revenge. I guess it was that whole Bible-eye-for-an-eye thing.

All this in the middle of a wind storm!

I was upset by the entire episode, to be sure, but I was mortified by how ineffectual JR was in keeping them from humiliating me. He sat there looking guilty, acting like he couldn’t possibly do anything because they had a gun pointed at him.
Continue reading Dallas Diaries: Season 1

Charlene Tilton Week: Day 5

At Studio 54, perhaps? Can we bring back these combs with the shiz hanging from them for Spring 2011?

charlene_tilton disco dress

Charlene Fact O’ The Day: In the 1990s, Charlene was a spokesperson for the Abdominizer, a piece of workout equipment. “Rock, Rock, Rock your way to flat abs.” This commercial does not feature Charlene, but it’s still worth a look.

But she is in this commercial, which is unremarkable in and of itself, except that someone actually videotaped their TV in order to capture it. And also amazing – black nylons and black Reeboks for her workout attire.

Charlene Tilton Week: Day 4

After yesterday’s debauched photo, back to All American Girl:

charlene tilton cowgirl

Charlene Fact O’ The Day: In 1979, Charlene appeared in the TV movie Diary of a Teenage Hitchhiker. The official summary of the movie is, “The girl by the side of the road. You’ve seen her standing there. Thumb out. Smiling. There are thousands like her all over America. And you’ve heard about what happens to some of them when they get in the wrong car. This movie is about one of these kids. And about her family. But it could be about your family. Where is your daughter tonight?“  This movie also starred Dominique Dunne, daughter of Dominic Dunne and later teen star of Poltergeist, and Dick Van Patten, star of TV’s Eight Is Enough. And Craig T. Nelson, a.k.a Coach.

The Dallas Diaries: Season 1

From the diary of Pamela Barnes Ewing, a.k.a. Pammy:

pamela barnes ewing

I did a stupid thing. I married Bobby Ewing after one lustful and drunken weekend in Austin. I am so ashamed! But there’s nothing to about it now – I have my pride and reputation and a quickie divorce would make me the laughingstock of  Dallas County.

Bobby and I drove out to Southfork together after the “wedding” and moved into his parent’s house. We have one room. Even though it’s an enormous house, I feel confined. I went down to the kitchen to get some warm milk after Bobby and I made love the other night and Jock was sitting in the dark at the kitchen table, drinking.

The entire time I heated up my milk, he stared at my chest and talked about oil fields. But I didn’t have the guts to go tell Bobby!

Continue reading The Dallas Diaries: Season 1