Housewives, you’re letting me down. Well, except for Countess LuAnn. LuAnn never lets me down. But the rest of you… You’re really boring.

The last episode I watched involved the unveiling of Jill’s new decor in her condo, which is pretty/ugly and not comfy-looking at all. The dining room looks OK; the rest looks like a boutique hotel and I don’t mean that in a good way. It looks like the lobby of a W Hotel – its not exactly the place you want to curl up and watch a movie or talk on the phone while in your PJs. And the kitchen! I know New York apartments and condos are small but that kitchen is fit for a boat.

And, yes, she should trust her instinct – those sliver end tables that spell POP need to go. Unless you’re living in the Warhol Factory, those are lame. Besides, someone is going to need to Windex them every day to keep them fingerprint free. I think it all needs to be less fussy, not more. Downsizing. These economic times. In this climate. Haven’t you heard?

Then there is was a  strange meet-up between Kelly and Max. This is the second time he’s appeared and he always manages to be much more eloquent than Kelly and English is clearly his second language. He tells her that, after the last time they were together, he found sparkles on his face from her make-up. And she gets all dippy. I mean, she can barely speak – I think she ends up babbling at him as if he’s an infant. She eyes him like she wants to lick his face and chew on his lips. Which she does but… some subtlety would be nice.  She explains in her close-up camera time that, “Everyone wants to go on a date with Max. But Max wants to go on a date with me.” And Max might ask her to prom. She’s not sure yet, she needs to ask his friend in gym class if Max just likes her or if he likes her likes her.

Of course, all this Max flirting won’t go anywhere. If you’ve been following recent news, you’ll know that Kelly was arrested in March for hitting her ex-boyfriend, a guy named Nicholas, not Max. Use your words, Kelly! He claimed that she snapped while in an argument with him because the pressure of being on Housewives was too much for her.

There was more work on Jill’s charity. I have started to wonder about the woman Jill is working with on the charity function. She’s some Uber Charity Organizer but has very questionable fashion sense. She was wearing a piece of pinstriped fabric wrapped around her breasts over a white button-down shirt. Wrapped like a business bikini top. What the? I don’t know if I heard any of their boring chatter about the charity because I kept looking at that piece of fabric, trying to imagine her tying it just so that morning and thinking that it looked very chic.

The rest of the episode was tied up with the Big Tennis Match between Ramona and Mario and Jill and Simon. I saw more exciting matches in my junior high days. I think I may have participated in one or two. Even Mario, who is ranked nationally (lest we forget) didn’t seem to play all that well. It was a yawn.

It’s been more exciting for me to simply look out my back door and watch my neighbor across the alley and her new love interest from Jamaica work in her backyard. Stella seems to be getting her groove back over there! There is also a new tapestry of Bob Marley tacked up over one of her front windows, which is a touching gesture. Should he stay on and we become friendly with him, perhaps there will be big reggae hootenannies in our backyards this summer.

I think this is the route Countess LuAnn needs to take. The news broke that she and the Count are parting ways. He’s found someone new! They’d been separated for 3 months but she was hoping they could work things out. Then came the terrible e-mail. Her book comes out tomorrow – Class With the Countess. I think I will buy a copy to show my support for the Countess. However, now maybe she will stop telling people she’s a Countess because she will have to clarify that she’s an ex-Countess and that’s really not quite as interesting. With that off the table, she can quickly explain that she’s Native American and then dispense with all that talk and say something interesting and meaningful. I know it’s in there somewhere.

Anyway, I hope in the next season, LuAnn is getting her groove back with some hot young guy who leaves her speechless. That’s TV to tune in for. Watch those high-class sugar walls come down!