Oh, Monday, she’s such a bitch. She comes around and ruins everything once a week.
I hate her.
But, well… without her there would be no real beginning to the week. I do like a little bit of structure.
And it’s good to have a nemesis. It gives you something to rise up against. To push back on. To say, “You’ll never destroy me!” to.
How to get through a Monday? Sit down and collect your thoughts. Then proceed very slowly. Pace yourself – there is an entire week sprawling out before you. No need to be hasty or get too much done at one time. Check e-mail. Check your favorite websites. Do little tasks – pay a bill, dust off a shelf, return that pair of shoes you don’t really like.
Oh, look, it’s lunchtime.
In the afternoon, do one thing that you’ve been avoiding in your life or in your work. One task that you put off for all of the previous week, even on Friday when you actually had time but didn’t do it because it was Friday, practically the weekend, and why should you do something icky when it’s practically the weekend?
Then you’re done for the day. Coast on through. Go home. Don’t watch too much TV, or any at all.
Without you even realizing it, (because if you’re lucky you are fast asleep), the best part of Monday will arrive: 11:59 pm.
You’ve seen them. We’ve ALL seen them. They bring forth in us, depending upon our outlook and motives, either outrage or appreciation. Sometimes we put them down but we all know that, no matter what, they aren’t going home alone on Halloween night.
It’s the Sexy Ladies of Halloween. Women who can turn any costume into a wonder of titillation.
Not all of us have that ability, you know. We don’t have the body or the will or the drive. Some of us would maintain that we don’t have the cheapness, the sluttiness, required to take part in such a thing.
My days of slutty Halloween-ness are long gone. Let me amend that – my day of slutty Halloween. For I only attempted sexy once, as a freshman in college, when I went as a hooker and my then-boyfriend went as a pimp. I know. They took away my Take Back the Night card for that one. I never, ever mentioned it in any of my Women’s Studies classes. Don’t ask, don’t tell, was the sexy Halloween policy back then.
But now it’s rampant. “When did sexy Halloween costumes become a thing?” Keith asked me the other day. “It seems like there was a time when that wasn’t the case.”
I’ll tell you the very first time I realized that Halloween costumes could be sexy. It was while watching E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. In the Halloween scenes the mom, played by Dee Wallace, dresses up as a sexy cat. And when I say “sexy” by today’s standards it was actually very demure. She’d be shunned at the club for dressing “all Amish and shit.” But, yeah, I thought she looked kinda hot.
My friend JoEllen has a tumblr called Miss Guised that pays “homage” to sexy Halloween costumes. Each day Â this month, she’s posted yet another ridiculous sexy costume, from Sexy Sriracha Sauce to a sexy highlighter pen – she’s truly found the best of the worst. Go take a look if you need some sexy inspiration – I think you’ll find that if you can’t think of a sexy costume, you’re just not trying hard enough.
As for me, I’m struggling (yet again) to come up with any costume, let alone a sexy one. But whatever I come up with I’m pretty sure I’ll be fully clothed. Just call my Sexy Otter.
I drew these sketches of woodland animals over the weekend and then it occurred to me that they all have a very deadpan, It’s-Monday-morning-I’m-so-over-it expression on their faces.