Charlie Sheen | Not Shallow

Hello!

It’s snowing. I do not approve of this snow situation.

What have I been up to lately? Well, I’m excited to say that I’ve been masterminding a redesign of Not Shallow. Within a week I should have the new site up and I’m going to have ALL NEW CONTENT as well. It will be Not Shallow 2.0, “the upgrade you never knew you wanted but now desperately crave.” I’ve been working on it this week and let’s just say that it involves a drawing of a prawn.

Like the rest of America, I’ve been watching the Charlie Sheen implosion with great interest. Yes, I’ve been treating it as if I bought a ticket to see the sideshow. Each morning I eagerly tune in to the morning news to see what fascinating videos/podcasts/interviews he crafted overnight.

Now there is a movement to stop gaping at Sheen. Craig Ferguson and the ladies on The View both said in recent broadcasts that this is certainly not a sideshow, it is a person with a major illness and we should not be watching from the bleachers. To a large extent, I agree with them, if for no other reason than there are kids involved. Kids who have a dad who went down into the well and doesn’t seem to be planning to resurface anytime soon and a mom who is doing daytime rehab.

But it pains me to agree with the ladies on The View.

And it seems impossible, this being America, for us to just ignore Sheen, what with the machete waving and “tiger blood” drinking (probably some kind of acai berry drink spiked with vodka). But I think the comedian Marc Maron has it exactly right when he said on a recent WTF podcast that Charlie Sheen is like Icarus – he’s in a manic state now and feels invincible but he’s going to fly too close to the sun and those wings are going to burn off. I mean, you can smell singed feathers, can’t you?
Continue reading The Wednesday Outlook – March 9, 2011 →

Over the past week, we’ve heard and seen a lot of the Sheen and it ain’t over yet (nor is it the first time Sheen has jumped the tracks – there was all that 9/11 conspiracy stuff). Sometimes it can be hard to decipher what he’s saying, especially if you were still a child in the 1980s and aren’t up on slang used in 1987.

Here is a guide to understanding the lingo and the worldview of The Winningest Man in Showbiz. All of these words of wisdom have been culled from his various appearances over the past week.

“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

What This Means: I can no longer contain my craziness and so I’m hanging it out to dry on the line. Take a good, long look.

Bitchin’ is 1980s lingo for awesome, amazing, super cool, rad, etc. etc. “Rock Star from Mars” means cokehead.

“The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards just look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

What This Means: I do a lot of drugs. I do so many drugs I don’t really deserve to be here anymore but… hey, whatcha gonna do? I keep trying to die but I keep on making it.

Armless children refers to “Thalidomide babies,” of the early 1960s – these are children who were born deformed because their mother took this dangerous sedative while pregnant.
Continue reading How To Speak Charlie Sheen →