This dry winter air must be wreaking havoc on your hands! Why don’t you make some scotch eggsÂ and let your epidermis soak up Mother Nature’s natural moisturizer – pork fat!
Mix up the pork sausage by hand, letting your dehydrated fingers pat those patties and then cradle the hard boiled egg in your hand as you wrap it in its fatty meat cloak. Let that lard soak into your skin’s cracks and fissures. Aaaaah!
You could eat the eggs, too, after they bake, but be careful darling, that vintage Mainbocher gown won’t fit anymore if you’re eating Scotch eggs and surfing TMZ all day long. Better to pack them in a basket and give them to the neighbors while you settle in for a lunch of lettuce and a Tab.
Darling, I know it’s cold outside and this winter is for the crows. The crows who sit in the trees and “CAW, CAW, CAW!” while you wait for the bus on a bitter morning. But one must remember that weather should not do away with style.
Why don’t you wrap your head in a furry hood, so that all that peaks out is your face, flush from your latest spray-on tan?
The bigger the hood, the better! The more wrapping, the better.
In fact, why don’t you wrap up your entire body, like a chic mummy, in your bed comforter to let people know what you think of this long, nasty winter? Be sure to take the belts off old bathrobes and strap them around your body in a criss-cross, strait-jacket fashion. Note:Â Make sure to bring along a friend who can help you navigate the bus steps.
I’m cold as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore! Has anyone seen the #113?
I spent the last days of 2010 reading D.V. by Diana Vreeland (well, dictated by Diana Vreeland and recorded by George Plimpton and Christopher Hemphill). Diana was a fashion editor at Harper’s Bazaar and then went on to be Editor in Chief of Vogue. The book portends to be an autobiography but really it is a collection of thoughts on a wide variety of subjects which manages to morph by the end into a very distinct worldview.
It’s not a worldview many of us subscribe to today, which is too bad. In some ways she seems like a silly, rich woman but, the more you read about her, the more you start to catch her wave. Here are some Vreelandisms:
I loathe nostalgia.
I’m big on larders.
Pink is the navy blue of India.
I was simply mad about Queen Mary.
How I miss fringe! Where is fringe today?
Unshined shoes are the end of civilization.
Asparagus should be sexy and almost liquid.
I’m terrible on facts. But I always have an idea. If you have an idea you’re well ahead.
Never fear being vulgar. Just boring. Continue reading Here’s To You, D.V.→