Sometimes I think summer might be the saddest season of the year. Yes, the weather is great and life is easier. But it’s also the time when we become nostalgic about summers past and spend a lot of time trying too hard to have fun and recapture past glory. People tend to organize a lot of silly events to make people feel young again, get families to spend time with one another or invoke town pride.

So this week I present: The Saddest & Lamest Events of Summer 2009 (in the Twin Cities area)

1. Hippiefest at the State Theatre in Minneapolis; featuring Chuck Negron, formerly of Three Dog Night and Badfinger. Listen, I may not know a lot about hippies and their lifestyles and preferences but I feel fairly safe in saying that Badfinger doesn’t seem to qualify as a hippie band.

2. Tater Daze in Brooklyn Park; the website asks the question, “Why celebrate potatoes?” and then avoids giving a straight answer, unless you think this suffices: “Brooklyn Park Tater Daze is a unique festival where residents pay homage to the humble potato. Early settlers discovered that potatoes flourished in the flat, sandy soil of the area. Through the Great Depression, drought and urbanization, Brooklyn Park has shown its strength as a community willing to work together and make our city a welcoming place for everyone.” OK, but are you saying that the humble potato played a direct role in getting the community through hard times? Discuss. If residents are really going to “pay homage” to the potato, I hope there is some kind of play or musical about the potato… Wait, wait, isn’t this the plot for Waiting For Guffman?

3. Whitesnake at Taste of Minnesota in St. Paul; On July 3rd at 6:30 p.m., I don’t want to be standing around watching Whitesnake perform. Enough said.

4. Bill Cosby Live at Orchestra Hall in Minneapolis; I know, we all love “The Cos,” and when there’s nothing else on we might even linger over a rerun of The Cosby Show and it’s absolute blasphemy to say this is sad. Now, get down off that high horse and try to imagine yourself actually going to this. I’m hearing long-winded “jokes” about trying to get his grandkids into their pajamas when they stay over. And really, to say to expect Bills’ “riotous perspectives on what makes us tick,” is overselling just a tad, don’t you think?

5. So lame, so mysterious it could actually be cool. I like the fact that there is absolutely no information beyond this, even if you go to the City of Osseo’s website. The “impersonator” doesn’t have his own name. Show up on June 30th at 7 p.m. if you dare.

6. Titanic, The Artifact Exhibition at the Science Museum in St. Paul; For real? We’re going to go over this again? We all haven’t seen enough dinner plates, water-logged menus and barnacle-encrusted trombones? Please! This seems like a quick way for the museum to make some bank. I’m sure someone will enjoy pointing out to me how this is all about science? Is it because they had to go down there using technology to scrape up all the goodies from the ocean floor? Tomb raiders!