As you may have been able to tell from the crankiness of my last post, I was in need of some serious rest and relaxation over the holiday weekend. I could not bring myself to face another episode of Hysteria! Even the act of eating had lost its allure. What? I have to eat something, like, again? And there’s nothing in the refrigerator because I threw everything away in anticipation of being out of town? Oh, bother. And let me tell you, that’s not my usual mode of operation at all.

Not at all.

Am I better now? Have I revived myself? Not quite. I would like very much for someone to braid my hair while I watch cartoons and rock back and forth.

But duty calls. Must view Hysteria Part IV…

And what is this? The best episode yet, that’s what! Hold on, kids, we’re covering a lot of ground today.

Highlights:

1. Joe giving Drunkard Pete the bizness because he rushed offstage for a bit of a nip. Isn’t that quaint? Now, the bottle of booze would be sitting right at Pete’s feet and he’d guzzle it down between songs while being cheered by the audience. Just what was it Pete was rushing off to drink? Was it some… Smirnoff Ice?

2. Rick Allen wearing those Union Jack boxers… doesn’t he look like a skinny baby toddling around in a British diaper? I think the too-literal Pete Willis “throwing in the towel” move was really an attempt to cover up those loose-fitting boxers. Cover yourself, man!

3. The first Def casualty is Pete Willis. The second Def casualty is Joe Elliot’s hair. He decided he wanted to be less Hall, more Oates.

4. Lazy writing! Pete quits band. Band goes to club.

“Where will we get a new guitarist?”
“Hey, look at that guy up on stage. He’s perfect for us!”
“Hey, Glam Mullet, want to be in our band?”
“Hell, yeah!”

Proceed to “guitar off” between Steve Clark and Phil Collen. Proceed to “perfectionist guitarist Steve, who has only ever wanted to be the best guitarist in the world, feeling threatened.” Proceed to impish Phil (I wish this part was played by David Spade) saying a lot of impish, working class things to reassure Steve that he’s not a threat. Not even in the scarf department. “No one wears a scarf quite like you, lad.”

5. Didn’t Mutt Lange, Steve Clark and Phil Collen all have the exact same dirty blonde hair color going on in that scene when they were working out “Photograph?” With just a hint of caramel to it? Weird.

6. The cut to Def playing “Photograph” for a big audience. Yeah, I still kinda love that song, I can’t lie. When it cut off in the middle, I was disappointed.

7. White on white clothing is not a crime.

Next time: Look what you’ve done to this rock ‘n’ roll clown