Before we begin transforming our bodies with the KettleWorx 6 Week Transformation, we watched the KettleWorx Introduction. Basically, this is Ryan Shanahan getting you pumped up and laying out some ground rules.

Here’s what we learned:

We have just made one of the best decisions of our lives. Of course, this is highly subjective.

We are about to learn how to move in 3D. Or at least we are going to be spending a lot of time moving in 3D. I am confused by this because I kind of thought that we were all always moving in 3D as opposed to 2D.

Ryan has trained pro athletes and “movie stars” (no specific names mentioned) but he designed KettleWorx for us. By “us” I guess he means the proletariat. The hoi polloi. Maybe he means “the fat losers.”

Next, Ryan says this program is great for moms. Busy moms. Neither I nor my husband are busy moms. I hope it will work for us, too.

This program consists of 20 minute workouts, three times per week. That’s only one hour per week, in case you couldn’t do the math. And you have your choice of rotating between Core, Resistance and Cardio workouts. Really, Ryan, it’s all the same when you’re flabby.

Just in case we were thinking, “We can eat more because now we’re on this great exercise plan,” we are dead wrong. Ryan addresses this right away. “You might be thinking that you can eat more,” he says, “Because you deserve it. But no. You need to resist the temptation for sugar and too many carbs.” Shit. This is my all-time favorite excuse to eat more.

And you need to be on-guard against friends who may try to get you to eat things that aren’t good for you. What you need to say is, “I’m on the KettleWorx program for six weeks. I’m transforming my body.” I can’t really imagine saying this to someone. I’d be more likely to make up an excuse. “I’m allergic to cupcakes with thick frosting.” “No thanks, I just ate a burrito as big as my head right before I came here.”

When temptation does strike, just think, “KettleWorx! KettleWorx! KettleWorx! I’m going to do it!” It’s a mantra. It also helps if you click your heels together three times.

Finally, my personal favorite of all the concepts presented, Ryan introduces the concept of Ripitude. Ripitude is positive thinking. Yes, I can! I’m gonna do it! I’m going to transform my body! Gotta Have Ripitude! Not Fatitude! One also has to have TNT (Today, Not Tomorrow). To reinforce TNT, Ryan suggests you grab your kettle bell right at that moment and do 10 squats. “See?” he says. “You just started your transformation. Today, not tomorrow.” I admit I didn’t move off the couch.

Am I doomed?