When I was awakened at 3 in the morning to let the dog out, because she was whiiii-iii-ning to go to the bathroom, it suddenly seemed very important, as I was standing at the back window watching Freja run around the yard trying to find an acceptable place to do her business, that I catalog the ways in which cats are fundamentally Republicans and dogs are fundamentally Democrats.
The photo you’re seeing here captures a rare moment of bipartisanship not often seen in our household.
First, cats are very conservative. They don’t embrace change. They don’t like a new plant being added to the living room, a sudden change of food (unless it’s stinky, wet food) or a litter made from some unfamiliar material. Things should stay relatively the same all the time.
They don’t believe in welfare because they believe in the old adage, “that government is best which governs least.” It’s paws off; every cat for themselves. They also hate immigrants. I’m not saying that all Republicans hate immigrants but cat republicans are the kind of Republicans who hate immigrants. This is because they are, of course, highly territorial. If a new cat comes into their territory, the cat’s first thought is, “Shit, there won’t be enough for me. Not enough grass to eat, mice and birds to kill, garbage to pick through. KILL!”