Well. If you look at many of my predictions for the Globes, I was sorely mistaken. My biggest mistake was in overestimating just how much Johnny Depp Kool-Aid the HFP was drinking. Depp got two nominations but was then passed over in favor of Paul Giamatti for his role in a movie called Barney’s Version or Barney’s Vision that I’m fairly certain only 13 people in Manhattan ever saw.

Besides, now the mystery of Johnny Depp has moved on from, “Why did he get two nominations for two very mediocre films?” to “Why is he so orange?” And I do mean orange. ORANGE.

This is what Depp used to look like:

And this is what he looked like last night, although this photo does not capture the full Tangy-ness of the man:

It’s as if he got a bit too enamored of his Pirates of the Caribbean make-up and decided to keep it as his day look.

The biggest kerfluffle of the night was Ricky Gervais’s commentary about the stars. As Keith put it, he loves it when an establishment lets down their guard and allows a real comedian into their midst (like when Steven Colbert entertained at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in 2006).

The “bigger” actors and presenters took their dressing down with dignity and either didn’t acknowledge it or laughed it off. The uppity ones, the ones clearly not used to being put down, came out with angry barbs, which did nothing but showcase what bad sports they are. I guess, Robert Downey Jr., this means you.

Tom Hanks? Gervais made a joke about how Hanks’s Toy Story cohort, Tim Allen, is not nearly as accomplished as Hanks is. Hanks has earned many accolades and awards and Tim Allen… well… Tim Allen was on Home Improvement. Sorry, but that’s a fact.

But Hanks got all huffy anyway and said from the stage,” “We recall when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby but very kind comedian.”

And I recall, Tom Hanks, when you were a very unfunny actor on a sitcom called Bosom Buddies in which you performed in drag. Come on. Climb down off the Greatest Generation horse and join the rest of us.

But perhaps huffiest of all, at least in my opinion, was the president of the HFPA, Philip Berk. Gervais made a comment about having to help Berk up off the toilet and pop in his teeth before it was time for him to appear. Berk fired back some nasty comment about Gervais not ever asking him to get his movies “listed” again. Something like that, it was muttered under his breathe in a nasty way but he happened to be standing in front of a microphone at the time.

I mean, really, dude?

You should at least have a sense of humor about yourself if you’re going to go around looking like this, writing for some bogus Australian newspaper and allegedly taking bribes, which is what a new lawsuit, filed Thursday, says about Berk and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

The suit raises one charge that has been thrown around for years: that HFPA members accept money, vacations, lodging, gifts and other perks “in exchange for support or votes in nominating or awarding a particular film.”

I guess this would answer some questions about how films like Alice In Wonderland and The Tourist are seemingly so beloved by foreign journalists while a great film like True Grit (which will get Oscar nominations later this month) fails to get a single nomination, not even for lead actress Hailee Steinfeld. There is also speculation that the HFPA doesn’t “get” the Coens and the Coens just don’t do the award season self-promotion. I don’t think they particularly care if journalist from Egypt like their movies, which is in keeping with their overall worldview. And awesomeness.

I mean, in a way, the Golden Globes are slightly akin to a bunch of American entertainment reporters deciding which Bollywood movies should be bestowed with awards in a given year. It’s a nice gesture, hooray,  but… does it really hold that much weight?

There weren’t very many gaffs this year from presenters or award winners, not even anything about the Arizona shootings. If I had to choose most memorable acceptance speech I’d give it to Natalie Portman, who thanked her soon-to-be-husband-and-father-of-her-child, Benjamin, and then explained to everyone who is is, that he’s her dance partner in the movie who is asked by the artistic director if he’d want to sleep with Portman’s character, meaning, “Do you think she’s hot?”, to which he says no. Portman said, “He’s a good actor; he was lying! He totally wants to sleep with me!”

It seems a bit over-the-top to announce that from a stage when clearly the audience has visual confirmation that she’s  been having sex with the guy. She’s wearing a shiny pink sheath gown with her stomach protruding, we know they slept together at least once; we assume it will be ongoing if they are to marry. It came across as if she’s not quite believing it yet, either her good fortune or her misfortune, I’m not sure. He’s a ballet dancer. I’m not saying he’s gay. I’m saying it seems like one of Joan Crawford’s marriages to lesser stars. Or Bette Davis. Or Judy Garland. Or Jennifer Lopez. Remember her dancer guy that she married for two minutes? What was his name? And then there’s Britney Spears and Kevin Federline (I almost managed to forget his name already, too, had to Google it), who started out as her back-up dancer.

Not to mention, I can only assume that there were other guys in the room who either A) totally wanted to sleep with Natalie or B) Did sleep with Natalie.

Note the creepy laugh after over-sharing:

However, I also do tire of just being muse and would appreciate some appreciation for creating as well.

As for fashion, well, you can read about that at any of a million websites. I will say that I’m alarmed and dismayed at the return of the late 1970s Country Music Awards gown look. It would be easy to squint one’s eyes and imagine Loretta Lynn or Crystal Gale or maybe even Tammy Wynette wearing one of these gowns when accepting an award for “Best Female Vocalist” from someone like Charley Pride.

Here’s Leighton Meester channeling Sissy Spacek channeling Loretta Lynn (except she needs a belt):

I think this “country strong” business has gone quite far enough, thank you.

Oscar nominations are announced on Tuesday, January 25.