I know that you’ve been losing sleep over what’s happening with the film American Sunset, so I thought I’d tell you about this press release announcing that it’s going to showcase at Cannes.

Wait. What? You’ve never heard of American Sunset?

Seriously? Corey Haim’s final attempt to act?

Yes, I’m talking about Corey Haim and Cannes at the same time. But back to that in a minute.

The film American Sunset is a thriller in which Haim plays a man whose wife is abducted while on vacation in Canada. He decides to “take the law into his own hands” and hires an ex-war hero turned P.I. to help track her down.

Now, right away I’m struggling with this concept. Abducted while on vacation in Canada? I think you’d pretty much have to pay someone to abduct you while in Canada. And even then the Canadians would keep asking you if you were sure you wanted them to do this and wouldn’t you rather go hang at a Tim Horton’s for awhile.

Random thought: if this film takes place in Canada and was made in Canada, why is it called American Sunset?

And then the “taking the law into his own hands” thing. I’m really tired  of this. Hardly anyone ever takes the law into their own hands unless they’re a self-identified “Citizen Journalist,” and then they’re usually trying to prove that raw milk is OK for us to drink or that 911 was an inside job. But Corey Haim taking the law into his own hands? This is the kid from License to Drive, right? I’d believe Kirk Cameron took the law into his own hands (and converted it into a secret police force for the Religious Right) before I’m buying Corey.

But I’d still see this movie. Who wouldn’t?

So back to the press release. It’s been announced that the film will, “be featured at the Canadian Pavilion during the upcoming Cannes Film Festival.” What that means is that it will run in a tent rented out by Canada to show off some Canadian work to any takers who wander through. It’s not a big screening with all the hoo-haw, which is a bummer. American Sunset has no chance of walking away with the Palme d’Or.

What I love most about the release are the quotes from people involved in the making of the film. This is from the president of Global Entertainment Holdings: “History has certainly shown us that the transition from successful child star to a well deserved reputation as a serious adult actor is extremely difficult at best. I believe Corey achieved that transition with his stellar performance in American Sunset. We truly hope that our showcasing of his last work at the prestigious Cannes Film Festival will solidify Corey’s well deserved place in film history.”

This sentence might as well be about Strawberry Shortcake. Or Yahoo Serious. Achieved the transition? The guy died from a drug overdose. He had no money, no career, no family of his own. His most consistent and serious job offer was Celebrity Rehab (Man, wouldn’t they have loved to get their mitts on him? I mean, Jeff Conway is only good for so many more rounds before he toddles off to appear in homeless man street fights on YouTube).

Jackie Giroux, President of Global Universal Pictures, and the writer and producer of American Sunset stated, “Corey was simply a delight to work with on American Sunset. Myself and our entire cast and crew were deeply saddened by his untimely passing. I am confident that his abilities will be recognized at the Cannes Film Festival, as this will give a worldwide audience the opportunity to enjoy his final work and appreciate his special talent.”

Yes, Corey was a delight to work with. Especially when he shared his stash with the grips. I mean, he wasn’t always nodding off. Or sweating. Or incoherent. We actually got a few hours of work out of the guy!

I’m being incredibly unfair to Corey Haim. He’s not the villain here, of course. It’s these Canadians who want to still make a buck, find distribution, before the taint of tragedy wears off and all they’re left with is another crap movie about some guy taking the law into his own hands. In Canada, no less. Take off!