This commercial came on TV while Keith and I were watching yesterday. I can’t believe the levels of funny that exist in this :30 spot.

GUARD YOUR CARD! GUARD YOUR CARD!

Jesus, what a boring card conversation. I’d rather find out who has prostate cancer or who’s wearing diapers than sit around listening to this. It’s a sunny afternoon, you’re retired, you don’t gotta work and you’re sitting around talking about your Medicare card?

Plus, the very smugness of it. “These cards are super valuable. They mean we get health care, which millions of other people don’t have! Guard it with your lives. Fall on your sword. Once more into the breach, dear friends, and pass the Werthers.”

At least they made it so that there’s a black dude and his wife “schooling” the white folks about this fraud. But did you notice the white guy’s face when the black guy says, “I know the most valuable card you’re holding?” His expression says, “Please don’t shoot me.”

“Guard your caaaaard,” Card-Playing Guy #1 says. “Let me use an analogy that old people with nothing to do all day will understand by hiding my card hand. You understand? Like you’re playing sheepshead or euchre but with your Medicare card.”

“I’ve heard that Medicare fraud is a huge problem for the government,” Card-Playing Lady #2 says. “We must help the government at all costs. Robot 32JAT-541 will play her king of spades now.”

“Not only that,” Card-Playing Lady #1 says. “But stamps are going up another cent in 2011 and they want $1.50 a pound for tomatoes at Byerly’s.”

“We can crack down on criminals,” Card-Playing Guy #1 says. “And feel useful. Like we’re doing something to rid the world of meth addicts, welfare mothers and terrorists.”

Whoa to the kids who come home for Thanksgiving and accidentally see their parents’ cards!