Right, so, last week, I missed watching Smash. I had something else going on and then never got around to watching it. Believe me, I thought about watching it any number of times as my guilt began to weigh heavily upon me.

But last night, as I watched episode 3 I realized it doesn’t matter.

I had no trouble following along. This is due to my superior powers of following a narrative thread or the fact that this show is written for 5th graders. Either way, I feel so light and carefree today.

Here are this week’s SMASH NOTES:

SCARVES, USE OF: Yes, Debra Messing’s character, Julia Houston, continues to wear scarves with nearly every outfit as a way to signify that she is: over 40, arty, kinda hip, chilly. However, this week saw a relaxing of the scarf, as in it did not have to be snug to her neck but was allowed to free flow in long tendrils that cascaded down, draping her body.

Also: is she single-highhandedly trying to bring back the Baby Doll Dress? What cheek!

ENGLISH BOYFRIEND: Karen Cartwright (Katharine McPhee) has been given a boyfriend with such a high sense of morality and values that I am quite sure he’s going to end up a crackhead by episode 9. Every time I see him I think “Chariots of Fire,” and I’m not sure why. I have never seen Chariots of Fire in its entirety.

I think he reminds me of someone who would train for long-distance running in the Olympics and never, ever crave a sip of beer. He’s that good and kind-hearted.

Just watch a little bit of this and you’ll see what I mean. He should totally be running the beach with these guys:

http://youtu.be/L-7Vu7cqB20

SATAN’S ALLEY – In this episode, the producers of the Marilyn show go to see Michael Swift, the guy they are hoping will play their Joe DiMaggio, perform in another musical. I am fairly certain that this musical is a rip-off of Satan’s Alley, the musical performed in the movie Staying Alive, starring John Travolta. Either that, or it is the musical version of Glenn Fry’s life.

What I mean is, something very 80’s and disturbing was going on in this scene. I was certain that they (the producers) were going to turn to each other after watching this performance and say, “No, this is not who we want for our Joe DiMaggio at all. First of all, why didn’t we realize that he looks more like Glenn Fry than Joe DiMaggio?”

Here is Joe DiMaggio:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is Glenn Fry:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here, just for the hell of it, is Will Case, the actor playing Michael Swift:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I getting too involved with this show? Yes, you could say this. But you also see my point, don’t you?

BABY SHOWER: Karen travels home to Iowa in this episode to attend a baby shower. The purpose of this trip is so she can sing karaoke in a bar in Iowa, thus fulfilling the need for a musical number in this episode. Everything about the baby shower is wrong. I know this because I have attended many baby showers and the producers and writers of this show have apparently attended zero.

Here are the errors I feel I must point out:

• There are only 4 people at the shower, one of which is the pregnant lady. In Iowa. No aunts, cousins, second-best friends, neighbors, grandmothers, mothers, etc? In Iowa. Really?
• Karen brings as her gift a gigantic stuffed bear that will surely fall over on the infant and smother it. Even if she is Highly-Focused-Rising-Star-On-Broadway-Who-Lives-In-Manhattan, she grew up in Iowa and so would know that she should go to Target and get whatever her friend registered for, which is more likely to be burping clothes and onesies than a toy one might procure on a midway after tossing rings onto milk bottles for 3 hours.
• It takes place in a bar, not a church basement, house or community rec center. In Iowa.
• She comes into the bar and, after a minimal amount of small talk, gets right to the karaoke. No discussion of their lives for two hours? This was perhaps written by a man? How about a cut-away and a cut back, showing the time that has elapsed after gossiping, eating and drinking for at least 2 hours?
• In case you forgot they’re in Iowa, there was a painted sign on the karaoke stage that had a picture of an ear of corn on it and something about Iowa written beneath it. Yes, this is how we do it in Middle America. We like to have banners and signs surrounding us at all times telling us where we are so that we don’t become lost in all this empty space.

KAREN’S FATHER: Is creepy and has to die. As for her mother, I weep for Becky Ann Baker, who I loved as the mother in Freaks and Geeks. She is better than this.

EVIL INTERN: This is the best plot line going on this show so far – Tom, Julia’s writing partner, has, for some reason, an assistant/intern. His main job is to stand around and then make tea, as is the case with most interns. But he’s evil. He’s out to crawl his way to the top. So far, he took Julia’s notebook and read it (then returned it, when he should have been shown throwing it in a gutter) and then he had a cat fight with Julia.

I believe Evil Intern deserves his own spin-off show and demand to see one this summer.