Oh The Drama! Hecker Wedding Denied

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Hecker Resized For BlogMy favorite Minnesota wacko is up to some new shenanigans – apparently Denny Hecker (Timeline Part I and Part II if you’re not familiar) tried to get married this week while out of jail for a meeting with his attorneys at the U.S. Attorney’s Office. When he was leaving the jail, he demanded to take a Bible with him (but was denied). Yes, Denny, you are a “man of faith.” I suspect that Bible’s spine has never been cracked.

Then, he’s at the meeting with his lawyers and who shows up but Christi Rowan (girlfriend/thief), a pastor and her attorney.

Suddenly, the U.S. Marshalls’ said, “Woah, wait a minute, do we have a wedding on our hands here?”

Here’s my favorite line from the article I read:

“When Rowan, her attorney and a pastor showed up, agents realized a wedding could break out at any minute, and sent the holy man away.“

Now that sounds like something out of the Bible. Sending a “holy man” away? Casting him out of the U.S. Attorney General’s temple? Anyway, Sherburne County Jail doesn’t allow prisoners to marry. I don’t know, some kooky idea they have about it not being such a good idea. The authorities suspect that marriage was a way for Hecker & Rowan (doesn’t that sound like a 1960s comedy show?) to get around the rule that they are only allowed video visits. It’s hard to talk about where all the cash is stashed over Skype, ya know?

Well, it would have made a great wedding story:

“Where did you guys get married?” asks the unsuspecting tourist on Hawaiian snorkeling trip with Hecker & Rowan in 2021, after he is released from prison.

“This is a funny story,” Hecker says. “See, I was in jail, awaiting sentencing, staring down my 10 years…”

“And I was living at his house, trying to keep everything together and keep them from finding all the money,” Christie says. “I was so stressed I was losing all my hair!”

“The prison officials only allowed us to see each other over video!” Hecker says. “I’ve never been treated so badly my entire life.”

“So I said, ‘Hey, let’s get hitched,'” Christi says. “When you’re out to meet with your attorneys. We’ll ambush them! Then I can sit with you in the visiting area, hold your hand and watch you drink orange Fanta soda and cry. It would be so romantic.”

“It was my fifth wedding,” Hecker says. “But the most memorable by far! And it didn’t cost me a dime.”

In case you haven’t kept up (like, if you have a life or something), since Part II of the Hecker timeline, Hecker pleaded guilty to fraud charges for hiding assets from the bankruptcy trustee and duping Chrysler Financial out of $13.8 million in loans. He owes more than $200 million to creditors.

He faces up to 10 years in prison for fraud and conspiracy charges. He’s currently in jail while awaiting sentencing because he keeps pissing people (judges) off by concealing assets and then spending money. They are currently trying to figure out how he spent $200,000 in insurance, 401(k) and bankruptcy settlement monies from June to September this year  without informing the bankruptcy court or prosecutors.